Bringing Up Mom & Me: Deepika Shergill

Finding Me: A new series on growing older & bolder

Deepika Shergill is a behavioural, leadership and life skills trainer and coach. She is also a mother, a caregiver, a daughter and quite the Instagram influencer with her candid take on everything from her two sons to her sarees. We love her views on being older and bolder and spoke to her to find out how's she rethinking ageing at 61 along with her mom Kamlesh Gill, 86, the veteran actor who wowed us as the no-holds-barred daadi in the Bollywood hit Vicky Donor.

You are a caregiver and a proud daughter. You were also your mother's manager when she was active as an actor. Tell us about her journey in the movies and how as a child you've encouraged her and kept her going.

Mom Kamlesh Gill has been acting since she was 19! She is 86 today and was among the first women on the Delhi stage. We hark back to the 1950s when she was much a Queen of the Delhi Stage. She was also among the first artists on television. Cinema and TVCs were natural along the way. She was 75 when Vicky Donor happened in 2012, which catapulted her into the spotlight. She has been very independent and has managed on her own. But sometime in 2014, she was on two big projects - Bang Bang with Siddharth Anand and Kick with Sajid Nadiadwala. The shoots were in Manali and Mumbai respectively, closely paced. And, there was a mix-up that happened on the dates. That is when I stepped in to help sort things out and found myself taking on the mantle of her ‘manager’. 

More importantly, it was a decision to let her not have to deal with the ‘logistics’ per se and enjoy her work. The main tip I can speak of while helping out an active older adult is being wired in. I have had no experience in the showbiz. I learnt on the job per se. I manage her food, travel, and stay. I travelled with her and ensured she had a place where she could put up her feet in between shots, and have a nap if possible. I would transcribe her script in Devnagri for ease for her to memorize them, and help her with that too. I’d keep an eye out on her footwear, for instance. My focus was her interests need to be protected. There were filters too and we discerned when choosing from the work that came her way. I’d discuss her creative choices with her, about what lit her fire more. She is a performer and likes to dive deep into her roles. In her 60s, she had just retired from the Railways (she had worked with them for 40 years), and was actively involved in social work at a new community hospital that had come up in the neighbourhood. And was an active member of the apartment management community. A doer. It has been important for her to be ‘doing’ something.

How old are you and how old do you really feel in your mind? Why?

I'm 61 years old and I feel my years too but in a good way. I feel a product of my years. Empowered and more my own person. It took me a while to get here though. But how old do I feel really? I feel am 18 still and the rest are just the years of experience! There is so much more to know and learn which I can now ‘combine’ with what I have gathered over the years. How cool is that! I picked up my first DSLR camera at 53 and at 61 I'm exploring photography professionally. Am sometimes the ‘oldest’ in a photography workshop and the one with the most questions :). I'm now my own person. More me. Unapologetically me. No facade. No layer.  

What has growing older given you? And has it taken away something from you?

Growing older has given me the years. And, life in those years. Through the twists and turns, upheavals and churns. Like they say, what grows in fire won’t wilt in the sun. Am a survivor. I don’t think growing older has taken away anything for me. It has only been added. Years. And no regrets. Yes, there are times I’d have liked more energy and wish I was able to run and climb stairs. But that's okay. I still manage to get where I want to. Sab changa! 

You have 46,000 followers. Tell us your Instagram story. 

The trigger was an interest in sarees, and to showcase pictures. To keep the drape relevant. Along the way, I realised I am more of a storyteller! I tell stories. My handle bibi.about.town is more about a middle-aged woman (bibi in Punjabi), an urbane woman and her prism about town. I am a story collector of the everyday. My Metro rides. The tiny escapades. Some social issues (mostly women-related). Glimpses. And, I feel my audience relates to a lot I write about too.  

Here's a short anecdote with her mother that we absolutely loved: https://www.instagram.com/p/Cv1Rs0XyWAd/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA%3D%3D

Are you the same person you were when younger? How is Kamlesh Gill, your mum different from who she was when younger? Would you know?

About Mom, I think she is much the girl she was. Driven, restless. The first girl in her village who completed her Matric (the school opened the doors for other girls after her), and the first woman on the Delhi stage. She is a pathbreaker. I have come more into my own now. I was quieter when I was younger. It isn't easy to quieten me down now:). 

We love how you drape your saree in a casually chic way. How has your sense of style been and has growing older influenced it?

Dressing is a matter of choice. And, as women evolve and grow, THEY need to be able to define what they wear. Not the clothes on them. I define my style more by convenience and comfort. More street-style since am out on foot and walking a lot. Sarees with tees, for instance -- to send out a message that YOU can style your saree the way YOU want, and inspire the younger generation to pull out their mom’s sarees too. My colours are decidedly brighter! I need the brights for the energy. I need that dose sometimes :)

What are the lessons learnt from your mother as she grew older? 

The curiosity and restlessness. Being exploratory as she has been. 

All photographs courtesy: Deepika Shergill

How have you changed as you grew older? Did you evolve differently as a person or have you always been the same? Share with us in the comments below.